| Juza | Since I was little, people saw me as older than the other kids my age. |
| I was tall and I had no charm; I don’t recall a single adult ever doting on me.
Kids my age all kept their distance. Nobody came close to me but my family. |
| People picked fights with me all the time because of my looks. |
| In elementary school, an upperclassman—the school bully—called me out. |
| He picked a fight with me for no reason, so I ignored him, but then he threatened me: want me to get your little brother first? |
| In that moment, my blood boiled. |
| Kumon isn't like me. He's not that big, he’s cheerful, and everyone loves him. He’s attached to me, too. |
| I couldn’t forgive him if he hurt my little brother. |
| I glared at him and clenched my fist. The bully took a step back. |
| We were in the wrong place at the wrong time. |
| He had called me out to the landing of a desolate stairwell, so when he took a step back, he tumbled right down the stairs. |
| I thought, this is bad, but I couldn't move an inch—until a teacher came running in response to his wails. |
| |
| —I don't really remember what that happened after that. |
| The one thing I do remember is my mother bowing her head to the bully’s parents in the principal's office. Apparently he had broken a bone. |
| I didn’t have a scratch on me, and the bully wailed that it was my fault, so all the teachers believed that it had been a one-sided beat-down. |
| My mother gripped my hand as we listened to the teachers and the bully’s parents. Her hand was shaking. |
| When I realized that, my heart filled with shame and frustration. |
| I hated myself for hurting my mother. I was furious at the teachers and the other kid's parents who refused to understand anything. |
| As those feelings mixed and stirred within my heart, I shook off my mother's hand and ran out of the room. |
| |
| Frantic, I ran and ran until I reached a riverbank. |
| That was where I finally stopped. I huddled with my knees together under the bridge and decided that I would live alone from now on. |
| If I don't interact with anyone, I won't hurt or scare anyone.
I won't cause any trouble for my mother. |
| I sat still with that grim determination for many, many hours. |
| Eventually, the sun began to set, and I grew incredibly hungry—that was when I heard a voice from above. |
| "...chan. Nii-chan..." |
| I looked up and saw Kumon and my mother. |
| "Let's go home, nii-chan. Let's go home and eat anmitsu together." |
| In that moment, I felt truly relieved from the bottom of my heart. |
| There are people who will come to find me.
There are people who will tie me to this world which rejected me. |
| More than anything else, that truth was what saved me. |
| "See? I told you nii-chan would be here!" |
| He said, proudly—and that was when I realized that this riverbank was where I played catch with Kumon all the time. |
| In the end, I, too, might have hoped that someone would come to find me.
Kumon held my left hand tightly and pulled me all the way to our mother. |
| My mother took my right hand, and the three of us began walking together.
My mother's hand wasn't shaking anymore. |
| When I told her, I'm sorry for making you feel bad, she responded, I believe in you. I don't think you did it. |
| She told me that her hand had been shaking from anger. |
| That was when I thought, from the bottom of my heart—. |
| I want to change. I want to become someone who won't hurt those most important to him.
I want to become someone who can protect the people he loves. I want to become someone who can believe in others—that "it’s not your fault.” |
| I want to become someone else—someone not myself.
...What I obtained in that short escape was a powerful desire to change my life. |
| |
| Juza | ...I want to become someone else, someone not myself. That's always been my wish. |
| Azami | Even now? |
| Juza | Otherwise I probably wouldn't have wanted to do theater. |
| When I'm on the stage, I can become someone else. That's where I found hope. |
| Once I managed to change on stage, weirdly enough, I feel like other things around me started changing too. |
| I'm not the same guy as I was in the past, when I had no one around me. I have everyone in MANKAI company. |
| Thanks to theater, I became a different person from my past self. And maybe one day I can become the person I want to be. |
| That's why I keep acting. |
| Azami | Become someone else, huh... If I could, I'd like to try that too, but.... |
| Juza | It's fun, you know. |
| Azami | I don't really get it yet.... |
| Also, you're a lucky guy. |
| You're a strong fighter, and you get to act in a theater troupe. I bet there's tons of people who want to be like you. Especially Kumon. |
| Juza | ——. |
| ...I hope you can become who you want to be, too. |
| Azami | ...Yeah. |
