 |
| Juza | "I will avenge my brother!!" |
| Actor A | “En garde, Yulong. Did you come here to lay your corpse beside his?" |
| Juza | "You have no right to speak to me like that." |
| —— |
| (My sword—!) |
| (I-I gotta keep going with my lines—T-The show must go on. I can’t—) |
| (WAIT! STOP! NO, YOU CAN’T DRAW THE CURTAINS YET, PLEASE! I NEED TO—!) |
| Audience A | … |
| Audience B | … |
| Juza | (Everyone… They’re all staring at me. I-I can’t do anything, I’m…) |
| (I’m scared. Please, please, please turn off that dreadful light already!!) |
 |
| Juza | ...Tch. |
| A-Ahh… Ahh.. |
| (It was… just a dream?) |
| ? |
| Sakyo? |
 |
| Sakyo | Take a seat. |
| Juza | A-Are you sure it’s ok to take me to a restaurant like this? |
| Sakyo | This is one of the Ginsekai's favorite spots. I’m sure you’ll get used to the dour atmosphere. |
| Well, anyway, I brought you here today to congratulate you on your performance. It was a pretty exciting show from where I was sitting. |
| Juza | Thanks. |
| Sakyo | I heard from Settsu and Fushimi that you weren’t looking too good the last time they saw you. |
| Think of this meal as a good job celebration, and me welcoming you into adulthood. You can order whatever you like. |
| Juza | Are you sure? |
| Sakyo | How about some sake? |
| Juza | I’ve never had alcohol before. |
| Sakyo | It’s pretty sweet. Plus, you know, Settsu had a surprisingly good eye for sake... |
| Juza | …Alright, I’ll have a taste. |
| Sakyo | I think this one over here should be sweet… |
| Waiter | Thank you for waiting. |
| Sakyo | Alright then. Congratulations on your performance, and welcome to adulthood. Cheers. |
| Juza | Cheers. |
| Sakyo | …Mmm. |
| This is good. |
| You played a good role in your show. I’m sure all that practice was no easy feat. |
| Juza | Yeah, the sword fight was a lot harder than I thought it’d be. Really had to put our noses to the grindstone for that one. |
| Sakyo | Now you’ve got the new skills you forged in your back pocket. |
| Juza | Yeah. |
| Sakyo | I heard there was an accident during the finale. |
| Juza | —— |
| …When it happened, no one spoke a word. The world was silent, and the seconds just kept ticking by. I even dreamt about it this morning. I don’t think I could ever forget what that felt like. |
| Sakyo | I have a memory like that too. |
| During Autumn’s debut play… I remember the moment I finally stepped foot on stage. I had been dreaming of it for so long, that was the first time in ages where I felt both clumsy and inexperienced. |
| It was actually your quick thinking that saved me. |
| At the time, I couldn’t help feeling depressed, ashamed of my own inexperience. Stage fright naturally followed. |
| Juza | Took the words right out of my mouth. Thanks for talkin’ about your feelings with me… I really, really get it. |
| Back then, all I could think about was working harder and harder... |
| When I look back on “Fallen Blood,” I think all my blind efforts ended up bein’ my strengths. |
| But none of it matters. I still managed to screw things up this time. |
| If you think about it, s’all just dumb luck that I managed to get this far without a serious accident. |
| I knew a day like this would come sooner or later, but… |
| I guess nothing could have prepared me for this. All those people were counting on me, and the faith they put in my abilities went nowhere. |
| Honestly, that’s what terrifies me the most. Letting everyone down. |
| I was so awkward on stage, I ruined the momentum. There were countless eyes on my back. |
| I know that if something like this were to ever happen again—no, when it happens again, I’m gonna feel the same. I’m gonna feel like I destroyed all the hard work everyone put into the performance. |
| I can’t stop thinking about how this is the first time in my life I’ve felt stage fright. |
| There’s nothing I can do except take my place on stage once more. |
| But even with me saying that, I’m scared. I’m terrified of causing more problems if I perform again. It feels like the only place I’ve ever felt at home is being yanked out from under me. |
| Ugh, and there’s no way I could ever think about abandoning theater. I just can’t stay away from the stage. Theatre’s the only life I’ve ever known, and it’s the only life I ever want. |
| Yuzo and the others went out of their way to share kind, supportive words, but… I let them down. I let them down and I feel ashamed. |
| As an actor, I gotta be prepared to take the stage no matter what. I’ve always thought that way. And now… now I’m just wasting time, throwing a goddamn pity parade for myself. |
| I know I have tunnel vision. I throw myself headfirst into acting. Even if I wanna try and broaden my horizons, I just can’t seem to get out of it. |
| Who would’ve thought this would push me into such a downward spiral… I guess I really am a pathetic actor. |
| Sakyo | …So that’s how you’ve been feeling? |
| It reminds me of myself from back then. |
| Juza | Huh? |
| Sakyo | During Autumn’s debut play, the director spared me some motivational words. I couldn’t have moved on without hearing that. It also reminded me that it’s entirely possible that I’d mess up again the next time. You can’t avoid every misstep. |
| With that chance, I took a step back and took a long, hard look at how inexperienced I was at my age. I wondered how far I could really push myself, given that. |
| So I decided to take charge of accounting for the company. It gives me a way to help out where I have experience, and I’ve clung to the position with an iron fist. |
| …Don’t tell anyone else. |
| Going back to the topic of theatre, if you’re going to deliberate over this, then really think through the pros and cons. What makes you want to stay, and what makes you want to leave? |
| And just one more thing. During a time like this, the only thing you can believe in is your own feelings. |
| That won’t always be the case in life. Feelings sway, things change. |
| It might feel like you’re making excuses, but I know you’ll be able to find countless things tying you to theatre. You still have time to make reasons to stay. |
| And I don’t think it’s true to say that you can’t find a home anywhere besides the stage. |
| Juza | I-I guess… I guess there could be a place for me off stage… Now that I think about it, I could be like Settsu? |
| Sakyo | (Oh, so he knows that Settsu’s been studying production.) |
| Yeah, you’re on the right track. There are a lot of jobs that work behind the scenes, and you can learn a lot about theatre from the shadows. |
| I think perhaps trying your hand at a backstage job would help you as an actor. |
| Learn a thing or two and expand your knowledge, just like Settsu. |
| Juza | —— |
| For the next Autumn play, I think I’ll try and learn from what I see the backstage staff doing. |
| Sakyo | Heh. You know, when I told Settsu a similar thing, he was taken aback by the suggestion. But you, you really speak from the heart when you’re tipsy. |
| Juza | What’s that supposed to mean? |
| Sakyo | Oh, no, nothing at all. Anyway, you better stop after one glass tonight. |
| Juza | Okay. |
 |
| Juza | (A backstage job… That’ll broaden my skills in theatre, and I’ll learn a lot that’ll help me improve my acting.) |
| (I’m always grateful to the backstage staff for each production, but I’ve never thought to ask them about their work.) |
| (I gotta study hard as an actor. There's still so much that I don’t know, and so much that I don’t even know I don’t know.) |
| (It was tempting to just quit at first, but the best thing I can do for myself is to fight that feeling with all my heart. If I want to move forward, I have to take on new challenges and keep learning.) |
| —— |
| Director, is that you? |
 |
| Izumi | What’s wrong, Juza? |
| Juza | I was just thinking. I wanna learn more about what goes on behind the scenes for our next play. |
| I think it’s a good idea to learn more about the world of theatre outside of just acting. I’d probably improve as an actor for it. |
| Izumi | Oh, I see. Then I’ll make sure to tell each of the department heads that you’re looking to research. |
| Juza | Thank you, that helps. |
| Izumi | Have you thought about what you want from Tsuzuru for the upcoming play? |
| Juza | Not yet… I’ve been caught up in thinking about my shortcomings as an actor… Actually, that’s been my whole life lately. |
| Izumi | I hear you. I’m sure Tsuzuru won’t mind waiting for you, so you can wait on your decision until you’ve experimented more. |
| Juza | …I’m sorry for being the lead this time around. |
| Maybe I should just leave everything to you guys. |
| Izumi | Hmm, well… If you’re really stuck… |
| I want you to know that the Mankai of today is different from our humble beginnings. Our troupes are different, too. We’re no longer so focused on getting popular or repaying debts. |
| The main job of lead actors in this “Reborn Mankai Company” is for them to try new things. Each play is a special show not just for the troupe, but for the lead so they can reinvent themselves. |
| I think more and more members are going to get offers to guest star in other troupes’ productions because of how well you did. |
| So that’s why I think it’s important that we keep honing our abilities at home. If we do that, we’ll be able to stand proudly no matter where we find ourselves in the future. |
| The sky’s the limit for your growth as an actor. This experience won’t just be useful for Mankai, either, you’ll grow by leaps and bounds under other people’s tutelage, and it’ll come right back around to help our troupe at home grow. |
| Juza | Alright, let me think a little more. |
| Izumi | I’ll wait as long as you need me to. |
