Act 3/Episode 33

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Act 3
Episode 33: Portrait 5 / Nanao Taichi

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Taichi I always, always wanted everyone to like me. I wanted to be loved. I’d been a nobody since elementary school. People hardly noticed if I was absent because of a cold. I was no good at sports, no good at studying, and not particularly interesting. Nothing about me stood out. But one day, ultra yo-yos became popular in my class. I saw a classmate just like me—someone dull and boring—become popular by showing off an incredible yo-yo move, and I started practicing hard. I practiced for days, from morning to midnight, and finally pulled off a fancy move. But by the time I showed it off to the class, ultra yo-yos had gone out of style. Now, the one and only time I managed to stand out was because of a TV cameo. A family member introduced me to an extra role in a drama, and I was on screen for just a moment. My classmate saw that and praised me—“Nanao, you were on TV; that’s amazing”—and all my other classmates gathered around me. That was the one moment in my life when I stood out. I thought, “This must be it.” I begged my parents to let me join a children’s acting academy. I went to audition after audition—for dramas and for plays—but the only roles that came to me were extra roles. No matter how hard I tried, I remained a dull passerby. I became acutely aware that I truly had no charm. Around that time, I appeared as an extra in a drama starring Sumeragi Tenma. I saw Tenma, who was the same age as me, and despaired. Because I could never be someone on “that side”: someone naturally blessed with charisma. Even if I dyed my hair, changed my clothes, and worked hard, I could never cross over to that side. That’s what I thought, but I still couldn’t give up—and barely managed to join GOD-za as an extra ensemble cast member. The extra role who would stand at the end of the stage, watching as Tasuku-san and Haruto-kun performed boldly at the center. Someone who could never be the center of attention. Just another nobody—it was no different from elementary school. No matter how hard I try, this might be my limit. That’s what I thought when the head, Reni-san, called me over. “You will join MANKAI company as a new troupe member.” “...Eh? Do you mean as a spy?” “You’re quick to understand. I’m going to have you ruin their show.” Of course, I didn’t want to do that to any troupe’s performance. I didn’t want to soil the stage, which I had come to truly love. “If you fulfill your role, I’ll add you to the main cast of our next performance.” Those were the words of the devil. I could stand at the center of the stage. I could say more than two or three lines. I could perform for longer. Those desires seemed to push me forward as I nodded in agreement to Reni-san’s words. Upon joining MANKAI Company, I was surprised to see Sumeragi Tenma, who you could call the embodiment of my inferiority complex. I was also secretly jealous of Ban-chan, who was skilfull at everything, and felt a relieving sense of superiority because of Juza-san, who was even clumsier than I was. But at the same time, when I saw Juza-san’s straightforward feelings towards acting—more powerful than anyone else’s—I felt like I would be crushed with guilt. Even if our feelings about wanting to act were the same, there was a world of difference between me—who played cowardly tricks to get my role—and Juza-san. The more we practiced, the more I came to love my Autumn Troupe teammates and our acting, as well as the members of the Spring and Summer troupes. At the same time, it hurt as I followed Reni-san’s orders: sending those threatening letters, and messing with the costumes and props. The stronger the Autumn Troupe’s bonds got, the more distant I felt from everyone. I can’t join them. I’m not allowed to. I ruined the stage, and have no right to stand here any longer. —I committed a crime that I could never, ever make up for.
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